April 18th
Dear Journal,
I think the whole world has gone crazy and I’m sitting here watching it happen without any control over it. Everything that I have planned for in my life has gone amiss and it’s as if the Light has other plans for me. It would be lovely if I knew what that was.
I have waited months and years for my plans with Fnar Dawnglory to bear fruit and it does appear as though it might have happened for me until that cow he’s involved with was rescued or found or whatever she was – with a new baby to boot. Wonder if this one is his? I know the little girl is his because she looks like her Daddy, however, I haven’t seen this new one. And it’s a boy. I know that she keeps pushing out these children like the dog that she is, however, I know that my love isn’t all that fond of children as he has told me so many times. The statement could have been directed at me too because I was fairly young back then and already very much in love with my golden-haired man. Who cares, I know that he will soon tire of this domestic bliss that that Romy seems to be forcing on him.
I know that I am just disgusted, and I am not giving up on my plans just yet. I know that I was hoping that that one night of lying with my love would have gotten me with child, however, I wasn’t that lucky. Now that he is back with that woman, I will have to figure out something else. I doubt that I will be able to find him in a drunken stupor again and be able to get into his bed.
Well, not enough time has passed for me to not to try something else. Maybe I can have a liaison with another man of similar appearance and get myself with child. I could always pass the child off as Fnar’s child and see how that will work. If I had his baby, I’d be on the same level with that cow of his – not much better than she is for that matter. That’s how she’s got him trapped now, by pushing out those kids and I know how much he wants a family of his own because of his being raised in an orphanage with his sister, Felessa.
I did meet one young fellow that looks very much like Dawnglory, however, I think this one is a bit more street-smart and I will have to be extra tricky with him. Also, I found another fellow that seems older and more experienced than I am, however, the only drawback on that is that he looks very much like my adopted brother. Well, that might work except for the fact that Fnor and I aren’t blood relations. Well, I’ll have to think on this a bit more.
Faendra Morningstar
